either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
