clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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