so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
