he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
