in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
