I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Randomize
