So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
