I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
