So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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