it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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