tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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