i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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