Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
