hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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