1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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