Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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