Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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