Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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