im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
