What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ladies don't puke and tell
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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