Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
