curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
