Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
