Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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