no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Be still, my beating vagina.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
