Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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