The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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