My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
