just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
