so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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