JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
