so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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