I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
