Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
