u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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