Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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