well you can't waste a boner
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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