his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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