you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
