I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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