did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
