Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
