Will you blow on my dice?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
