Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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