Already got asked if we're dating
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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