unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How does it feel to date your dad?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
