We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
