And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
