He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
