My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
