batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
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