Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
