Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I will pee on everything he values.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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