East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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