When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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