Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
