I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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