I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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