so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
