i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
