There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
