K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
