Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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