Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
