there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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