Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
