I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You took a bar mat shot.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
