How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just pee around me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
