I have demons in me.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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