Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
