I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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