How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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