its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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