I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
