I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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